It seems she is simultaneously trying to make a comeback as I am making mine. Well, she beat me to it so we have a post. However, I'd like to point out that for someone who has been M.I.A longer than me, she really insisted I uploaded her post ASAP and asked me not to slay her off in my commentary.
Now why would I do that? When I have you guys hehehe. I bring you her 8th issue.
Now why would I do that? When I have you guys hehehe. I bring you her 8th issue.
Is Love an Emotion or a Decision?
Hello my lovely Readers,
I trust you are well. I’m going to refrain from doing the usual “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in blogging because I’ve been really busy” bewail and go straight to the point.
Today’s title was inspired by a conversation I had two days ago. Just to summarise – We were conversing about typical male/female stereotypes. E.g. Nigerian women believing that all men cheat and go into relationships with so much distrust which leaves men with no choice but to live up to their expectation to cheating - blah blah blah.
Then this scenario was brought to the table- “If you had 3 suitors you really liked how would you decide on which one to pick? What would you consider?
I explained that my approach would be to write a list of my musts & mays (see Singleton Street for more details). And also key attributes and then whittle them down. Reasoning: How can you make a decision on a potential life partner without careful and thorough consideration – hmmm!
To defend the above statement I said “It depends on how you look at it. I think with my head and not my heart. Because I feel it is easier to bring your head into alignment with your heart than the other way round.”
I explained that my approach would be to write a list of my musts & mays (see Singleton Street for more details). And also key attributes and then whittle them down. Reasoning: How can you make a decision on a potential life partner without careful and thorough consideration – hmmm!
To defend the above statement I said “It depends on how you look at it. I think with my head and not my heart. Because I feel it is easier to bring your head into alignment with your heart than the other way round.”
And then the question was raised is love a decision or an emotion?
Argument ensued . . . no it isn’t – yes it is . . . With a bit more words but that was the general gist.
Since then I’ve been mulling over the question and I’m hoping you could help too. I think it’s a decision - Am I too rational when it comes to matters of the heart? Or can this approach really work? But more particularly I’m asking you today - Is love an emotion or a decision?
I really do believe that you choose to love who you want – and even though it may have started as a heart thing you daily need to reinforce or should I say remind yourself of why you are in that relationship. If the later is true then am I vindicated on my Decision thesis? If you decide to love someone can’t you decide not to? ***Please Advise.***
8 comments:
Hmm!!!! i see
In typical Chichi fashion, love is life and life is love. Life is what you make it and therefore, love is what you make it.
In regular, everybody "I'm suddenly an expert in all fields" type of way, it's both! You DECIDE who you want to love and then channel all your EMOTIONS towards them. I mean, deciding to love someone doesn't mean they will make the same decision. Trust me. I know!
I agree with you, love is a choice, we unconscious/ consciously pick we fall in love with. Nice post by the way!
I think we decide who we love and I think love is more than an emotion love are our actions.
Bell Hooks the African American, professor, author and poet said:
"most of us think of love as having to do with feelings of attraction to someone and whether or not we feel happy with that person. But love is really more of an interactive process. It's about what we do, not just what we feel. It's a verb, not a noun. So many people think that it's enough to say what they feel even if their actions do not correspond to what they are saying."
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You can read the full excerpt of bell hooks discussion on love here. It is quite interesting
http://countsky.blogspot.com/
Love is first of all,a decision...then emotion gets entangled with it...great post SP...glad to hav u back...now drag Mona back too!!!
Yep I agree with u Suzy Peaches...welcome bk to you and Mona.Thought you guys had disappeared from blogville...lol.. Love is a decision....'cos if it's based on emotions, it'll definitely fizzle..cos what happens to the not so good days.Life is a rollercoaster so can't do things solely on how u feel...On the flipside however,abt not deciding to love someone...it's possible but hard 'cos emotions now have a part to play right so only strong-minded people can do this.
Bottom-line is you need the balance of both:Emotion and Rationality. You shd be rational enuff to see when somethin isn't workin/isn't permissible & be able to let go....u also shd be emotional enuff to kno when a person is just human and none of us is perfect so you shd let go of some things..
In my opinion love is an emotion, which must be reached (or felt) by making the right decision. In this day and age you can’t follow your heart all the way in not you will fall in the gutter and hit your head. But you cant always chose whom not to love…. If you can control whether or not you love someone (especially as he hasn’t trampled on your heart) then maybe you don’t really LOVE him. Thinking about it carefully I think love is a misused, we attach the term to every emotion (aside hatred) we feel towards the opposite sex, and so long this fallacy exists, love is both an emotion and a decision (as the case may be). Kai but when u ‘love’ a guy, even if he falls short of your ‘must’ you overlook all that. On this note I shut up cos the topic is as intricate and confusing as I sound.
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