Monday, August 14, 2006

Girls on Boys


Some might remember my Boys on Girls post about two months ago. Like I said, I wasn't gonna stop there - I now bring you the unadulterated version of my part 2. First off, I'd like to share a cool site called Baggage Reclaim For Women - it's a supposed guide to dating, single living, relationships and of course, man-taming. The Editor says --

"Baggagereclaim is a tongue-in-cheek guide for women created to discuss the complexities of being a woman, the choices that they make and the dodgy men that add to their load. It aims to bring a fresh, healthy mix of humorous and serious content which reflects the gritty view of the world and avoids being bland and homogenous.This site also aims to appeal to men who are looking to find out more about what is making women tick and male writers do their best to give an insight into the workings of the male brain."

They recommended other sites like:

Now, to my actual Girls on Boys gist - what is the yardstick for matrimony?

After reading Kush-Kush's blog, I remembered where someone asked me recently if I knew any guy - a UK Citizen willing to marry a girl so she could get papers and she was willing to pay about £5k. I also have a friend who is looking to get married to her so-called boyfriend (even though he has a steady girlfriend) so she can get papers. In this day and age, are such things still a surprise?

Looking at this from another perspective, different girls have different reasons why they can't marry guys e.g. The H-factor, some may consider what type of shoes he wears first, does he have a car or is he no less than 6 years older than them? And believe me I've seen some extremes. Does it pay to be picky? Or like I mentioned above, is marriage taken so lightly now that anything (or any sh*t) goes so long as you are getting what you want in other aspects?

First picture from vixentales.blogspot.com

19 comments:

UTOMI 4 PREIDENT said...

thats quite funny o Mona!! People still look at shoes at this stage? That's comical!!! I guess with these things people should pick the most important qualities (NOT PHYSICAL!) they would want in a man (bearing in mind no 1 is perfect and you would never get a perfect guy or girl!) Like i would not be with some 1 who is selfish or doesnt pay attention to what I say or my life in general a me me me person!!! I guess if people start thinkin of what is important in a marriage/ reln and take their minds off the LESS important things!!!! mayb :) Nice 1 MONA!

Nneka's World said...

Hahahaha!!!!
Very funny post.

Marriage these days is not about love oh! Its more like a contract now. You do your part, i do my part, when its done poof! Gone!

Aba Boy said...

Nice one...

Does it pay to be picky? Yes!

Marriage - see it as a business arrangement, manage it as one, and it works...

Love left town a while back. But more seriously...If one can find it, it works..Just that the hassles that we live with makes it so important to be picky.. As long as the person being picky has also got something to offer. Two way street!

Onada said...

I think it pays to be picky especially when your happiness for the rest of your life hangs in the balance.

I dont think women should settle and i dont think they should force themselves into relationships just because they need to feel wanted or think now it the time they should be getting married.

Mona said...

URE QUITE right dear

Bella Naija said...

It definitely pays to be picky! We should not lower our standards just like tht....Really, its silly to base ur marriage or relationship on superficial things like shoes or cars but lets be real...if u like nice shoes and u marry a guys who wears ugly shoes all the time...it will IRK u forever....anyway, standards are great but for me the most important thing is that....God lets me know tht he is the one

zaiprincesa said...

lol..good post Mona. I think in this day and age, it pays to be picky...but not too an extreme. cus some girls automatically rule men out if he's doesnt look like their "Boris Kojoe"..or if he has a slight..lol..and i mean slight accent..or if he doesnt have that certain swagger..or doesnt dress GQ..and drive a nice ride. Most females these days are not being picky based on personality or spirituality. Its all about the money...how 'paid' he is. And it has gotten so bad, that some parents are even bouncing guys that are still struggling financially...saying "ha, my daughter cannot marry tachere man oh..she cant be suffering in her husbands house.". What happened to growing together?..building wealth 2gether?...most of our parents did it..and see how well off they r 2day...so y cant we??...just a thot...

Dipo Tepede said...

My story!

My wife went out with me when I had no bank account! Now it is a different story.

Was she scared? Yes she was but she had courage ( despite the fear go for what you believe).

did she feel like running away? Yes! Did she? No

4.5 years after. Does she have a testimony?

Yes o

Not because I can buy her a car if I choose to but because her dreams came true - believing on the inside despite the outward appearance....

Here is a poem, I composed for my wife;

Click HERE

Onya Baquebeich said...

congratulations Dipo...always good to hear a nice story.
shame about people marrying for papers oh! makes life choices seem so irrelevant

wailor said...

I hear all this gist about not up to standard and all that and wonder if we are growing wiser with the times are more dependent on gadgets, phychics and all sorts of stuff. It is clear though that these days with all the technology, access to information and superfluity of knowledge, we are yet to gain from it in making sensible and wise decisions about life in general.

This kind of decision is dependent on a lot of factors but the increased anxiety and pressure about it these days seems to revolve around availability of cash. I ask, if a guy has all the coins now but loses a leg later, will the union survive it? What is money and ill health, or unruly children, or even an unfaithful partner?

Love has been said to be but an emotion, something that cannot be depended on. I say it's not love, sympathy maybe but not love. Love can outdo anything that stands against it. Unfortunately, it is seen as weak and for fools only. Is that not why the rate of divorce in our 'advanced' worlds is many times that of just a few years ago. Here in the UK, there is so much apparent show of love and affection but little to show for it in healthy happy marriages.

Speaking about being picky, I know I was but for good reason. I didn't date anyone while in school or university, simply cos I ask myself what for? If i date a person it's because I want to marry her not fool around. However, this day and age looks on dating as practice. Moreso, people are now even ashamed to be a virgin when married as if it were a taboo. It annoys me though when guys who've played around always want to marry a virgin. Why the hypocrisy?

But when I did get married and happily so for a number of years, I didn't have much, nor even a flat as I was staying with a friend in his one room hostel. Not a very convincing picture huh. I had a relatively okay job but nothing spectacular but she loved me and together we have grown in leaps and bounds. What's happened to the ladies these days,? Many want ready made. Don't they know ready made are almost utterly independent and it's hard to change a man set in his ways. Look around!!! We better wake up cos the statistics are appalling!!

If I could say more said...

As we all know beauty fades away...
What bothers me is that the significance of marriage is trivial to some people. Marriage is a sacred union, therefore these marriage for papers deal is utterly wrong! As for those seeking partners, be right with yourself first of all before you go seeking. God knows what's best for you and he does not give his children a snake when they ask for a fish!

Dimples said...

Men what is all this about shoes??I have been hearing this lately…perhaps I should start looking at guys shoes before coming to a decision(gosh how na├»ve and stupid do I sound???)
Me sha it’s all about LOVE…and my home boy has to fear Baba God most of all…as the holy book says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom….I concur all the way with what a few peeps have said especially Onada

As for being picky!!! , me I’m not going in search of a billionaire (but if that comes along..hell yeah…any offers get in touch with Mona for my number :)but I’m in search of a man that will make my twins and I comfortable thereby being able to provide the following:-

1. Own his own property…my life was not destined for Baba Landlord to be chasing around the compound, or bailiffs coming to repossess property whilst we are in it.
2. Provison of at least 3 square meals…none of that 001,101 business..
3. Payment of my kiddies school fees on time…how can Taiye and kehinde be sitting understand with the gateman cos they dad screwed up??
4. At least a summer holiday ABROAD!!..none of that Yankari games reserve, or Brighton beach nonsense.

But as they say man proposes and the big man upstairs can chose to dispose it…so all I can pray for really is…”GOD LET U WILL BE DONE FOR ME REGARDING CHOOSING MY RIB OF MY RIB BONE OF MY BONE”…Amen


Nice One Mona!!!

Dipo Tepede said...

It is amazing at this age and time that people believe that God chooses their future partner.

God only brings the man your way, it is your responsibility to name the man ur man. (example Adam choosing Eve)

Even if the man comes ur way, u will never know because ur disposition is wrong!

You pray that God gives you a man and you have ur own idea of the man.

God grants the desire of the heart

Let me use an anecdote, God inspires John to meet Janet. Janet says no because she always wanted a man with a house, car, holiday in Malibu, etc. She says to herself this can not be God because it does not meet my criteria. But trust Baba God, he will always make provision for John.

Janet has missed her time of visitation and she knew it not.

This is a story that has always repeated itself; Samuel made the same error while looking for a King for Israel; the rich young ruler made the same mistake with Jesus; the Jews are still making the mistake till today.

Its actually good to be real; to want the best things of life but we must not put God in a box.

God can give u a rich man if it will help you in your spiritual stead or vice versa. God is concerned about your desire being in line with his Kingdom. (You may check the fruits of the Kingdom in Galatians 5 and 6)

References, kindly click HERE

Mola said...

Know what you want first. Many people will use the "Ill know it when I see it mentality" and are picky, but they are not really being picky for the right reasons, they are being picky because a friend does not like something about the potential candidate and they just totally cancel the idea of anything furthering...
Its usually good to know first what you are looking for and be selective... There are some things that can't be tolerated an example may be u need to have someone who has a good and kind heart OR is God fearing, but there are also some things you can tolerate, like the person must be a blogger (u know something silly like that)

That marriage talk is LONG though, this is just my insight on basic relations. I have no insight or intuition on the marriage topic whatsoever.

TaureanMinx said...

Oh my I had a looooong comment and it wasnt uploaded...darn!

The gist of it is that I'm picky but working on it..can't stand H factors, bad eating habits etc

Dimples HABA! I don't expect my husband to have his own property nowww...ask popsie if he did in his time lol. And things are even more difficult now. If your guy is not an Odu guy or does not have a rich popsie or is not an old accomplished Baba, im going to say chances are about 10% in Nigeria.

The sad thing is that not a lot of guys are patient nowadays, if you dont do the naughty within the first few months, you are a gonner... abi aren't there many available babes in town. Sad.

Calabar Gal said...

A friend once yabbed me I was still single cos I was looking for 'Mr Right' and not 'Mr Available'. The point is that even Mr Available wasnt in existence cos Guys have set up all these artificial hurdles for themselves such as...... live in their own house, ride a 'tear rubber' car,before they think of settling down when personally all we ladies want is just for the guy to have a steady and honest source of income and grow together as a couple. Thats not asking for too much or is it?

Olayinka said...

I want to start by saying we all have our rights to decide what matters when it comes to relationships and marriage. You have the right to be PICKY!
One thing that's been proven though, is that "selection criteria" (as my bois wld call it), change with age,and experience. Now you want 2 pick a broda dat has it locked down, nice crib,crisp wheels, overflowing bank accountS, all d works, cos of security for d future (kids education, summer hols) but back in Uni all you wanted was 4him 2 b popular, gud looking, club chief etc. just for the pleasure of that moment. I know sistas that went almost 360 degrees on selection criteria.
Ain't nothing wrong if 6ft5, 6packs, deep baritone voice, hot stepper, intelligent, fine a** well paid dude is your choice.Just make sure you are respected by the dude! If all those qualities dont work 4 you, make sure you go for what appeals to u!

Marriage is a lifetime contract, be it business arrangement or otherwise. It needs to be fuelled perpetually to be successful! And that fuel, Ladies and Gents, is WiNTFM! What's in It For Me! A marriage will succeed once both parties have something in it for them. It's not about wealth or poverty. Its about the natural instinct of Me 1st! I want a husband with good sense of dressing. OK! Cos it gives YOU pleasure, simple! "My wife went out with me when I had no bank account!" WHY? Cos she wanted to be part of building something great and she saw potentials in you! dats wat is in it for her!

I say let us be realistic folks, NO ONE, and I repeat, NO ONE goes into anything, and marriage for that matter, without considering WiNTFM!
Mind you, WiNTFM does not necessarily mean financial gratification. It's a whole lot of things. Watch out for my book, WiNTFM:Universal Law of Nature, in your 9ibohud bookshop and supermarket soon!

So if your own WiNTFM is money, designer shoes, solid bank accounts, then GO FOR IT and if what you dig is diffrent, my advice is GO 4 IT!

There is always a choice. Just make sure you take RESPONSIBILITY for your choice! I rest my case.

Omolabake said...

Mona,
Ok....first of all.....As Dr Phil's new book called "Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got" says....
You have to love in a smart way no doubt. I'm I saying for anyone to be materialistic....no...BUT...for a lot of people in diaspora....marriage comes in different folds...you have those who want to marry for paper purpose...do u blame them to some extent?......NO.
I have a friend who is in France and can't seem to find a job and has to move from city to city because there's no paper....would I advise her to go ahead and marry some guy with no paper also just because she likes him...NO...LOVE SMART.(well...maybe if they are ready to move back home to Naija).
I'm not into setting material goals in order to date someone BUT you have to have POTENTIAL that is unparallel....LOVE SMART....
On a lighter note....My father would have been become the next Imelda Marcos if he was a woman...
And the reason.... when he was young...some lady he tried to talk to did not respond to him because his shoes were MESSED up.....since then he swore to always wear nice shoes.

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