Codename: Random

Since I can be quite random with my blogging, I have decided to dash myself this nickname or slogan or whatever blahdee (sorry I just had to add that, someone I know uses the word blahdee a lot LOL)

Anyways, sadly, two R.I.P's

1) Cyprian Ekwensi - one of Nigeria's greatest authors. Some of his work includes:

Jagua Nana (1961), Jagua Nana’s Daughter (1987), Beautiful Feathers (1963), Iska (1966) and two collections of short stories, Rainmaker (1965) and Lokotown (1966).

Read more about him on Laspapi's blog

2) Coach Yema Tella - Nigeria's U-17 team coach


May their souls rest in peace.



I was having a conversation with someone earlier today about LASTMA. Just a reminder for you all that they have a website where you can check traffic updates and accident reports (NOT) - check it out - Lastma Lagos

Whatever!!!

Yup yup - found this amazing video on Youtube, this little Asian girl saying "what-EVER!" HEHEHEHEH CUTE!






Totally totally cute - what is uncute is other asian (oriental) girls having seen this cute video and were amazed, thought they were cute too and made response videos - NOT CUTE. Check out:




Please make your own video don't do renditions lol, what is with all these renditions anyway?

Have you heard Blak J*sus' rendition of AY BAY BAY? - LOL (see below)

Time for some 'LIGHT-HEARTED' humour - and I repeat, LIGHT-HEARTED



SO WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

By Sonala Olumhense


Umaru Musa YAR'ADUA, President of Nigeria:

My Government is committed to the Rule of Law and the separation of powers, therefore I can say categorically that we will not interfere in the affairs of the chicken whilst crossing the road. It is strictly the chickens affair if, when, how and where it crosses the road. I have however instructed my attorney general to examine the matter to see if any law was broken.


Michael AONDOAKAA, Attorney-General:
Don't be ridiculous. I am in charge here, and I did not give the chicken permission to cross the road, nor permit anyone to so authorize. All I said was that if the chicken wanted to go to the other side of the road, it could. I was merely asked a question. Should I be blamed if my answer was misconstrued? Besides, it was only a metaphorical road, not Asokoro Road, not Uwani Road, not Ikorodu Road!

Nuhu RIBADU, Chairman, Economic and Financial Crimes Commission:
I have not been informed that the chicken crossed the road. But this is Nigeria, and we have seen more incredible things before than the chicken crossing the road. What I know is that as long as the chicken looks left and right before dashing for it, there is no problem. Otherwise, if it leaves its feathers all over the road, that is an economic crime, and I cannot be expected to look the other way. I will immediately visit dire consequences on that chicken, whether it is owned by Olusegun Obasanjo or Umaru Musa Yar'Adua.

Olusegun Obasanjo, former President:
You see, now they are saying a shicken crossed the road. This is why I do not read Nigerian newspapers. All the shicken that you see is mine, including the one Nigerian journalists say they saw crossing the road. It did not cross the road; the people brought it to me because they knew it must be mine. But because it tried to cross the road, I ate it. Even the bone I am shewing now, is from the shicken!

Ibrahim Badamosi Babangida, politician:
I am not a chicken farmer, so what do I care whether the chicken crossed the road or not? But if the chicken crossed the road, you can be sure it is Wole Soyinka that is responsible for it. That is the kind of riot he likes to start. If you people think you can intimidate me with these questions, you are wasting your time. I am a retired military general. I am not afraid. I left the presidential race in the PDP not out of fear, but out of respect. And so what if Soyinka write books? I get books written about me!

Muhammadu BUHARI, National Politician:
The chicken crossed the road? It must be one of Obasanjo's chickens. You know the man has no qualms, walahi. If the chicken actually crossed the road, I am sure it will be found to be one from his farms, and it should be closely looked at. In any case, whether it is Obasanjo's or not, it should cross the road only in accordance with the law. If it is found that it simply just strolled across with no respect for the prevailing ordnance, it will be my pleasure to take Obasanjo to court. The law of the land must be obeyed.

Patricia ETTEH, Speaker of the House of Representatives:
Why did the chicken cross the road? Have you people come again? And which one is yours in it if you saw the chicken in my yard? Did you people hear me inviting the chicken, and why would I be blamed for that? I am not inside the head of the chicken, unless you people want to say you saw me there. If I come home and the cook says, "Madam Speaker, my Speaker, I made chicken soup for Your Excellency," am I supposed to set up a panel to probe him?

David MARK, President of the Senate:
Who told you the chicken crossed the road, a journalist? Nigerian journalists are the only people I know who are fascinated by their own fabrication. Tell me, how could the chicken have crossed the road when there are no roads? I mean, roads are not for chickens, and only in the imagination of another uneducated Nigerian journalist can fictitious nonsense of this nature arise. In any case, did he also say whether the chicken crossed the road in the other direction, or was it coming this way? It does not matter to me, because I have a lot of them all over the world.

Lamidi ADEDIBU, Ibadan politician:
No chicken crossed the road. From here in Ibadan, to Ikorodu, to Ife, to Ogbomosho, to Lagos, no chicken can cross the road unless I say so. Even the governor cannot cross the road unless I say so, so you people should stop trying to say things that are impossible. If you doubt me, ask the Governor, present or former. Ask Obasanjo; he knows. If the chicken crossed the road without my permission, my cook will fry it like Chicken George.

James IBORI, former Governor:
The chicken crossed the road? Oh my God! It must be Ribadu colluding with Interpol and the Met Police! Was it coming this way? What was the color? Oh no, I knew it. I only wish I had received my Bombadier jet before all this nonsense started. How would they have found me to bother? I am sure they sent the chicken to see if I am here. Ribadu! The boy must go! Get me my phone let me call the President…what do you mean he is in a Cabinet meeting?

Chukwuemeka Odumegwu OJUKWU, National Politician:
Why did the chicken cross the road? Surely, you must know that Obasanjo authorized every conceivable indiscretion. He is the man you should be asking this question. During his tenure, nothing was too ugly for the PDP to do. That is why Nigeria became worse while Obasanjo grew rich. We cannot solve these problems unless we go back to their roots, and that is why I have advocated that Obasanjo be executed. If the chicken crossed the road, he is the cause.

Ojo MADUEKWE, Foreign Minister:
Anybody who says the chicken crossed the road is just trying to insult Nigeria, and I will retaliate. People like to blame everything on Nigeria, and from now on, it is tit-for-tat. If they say our chicken crossed their road, we will tell them their goat crossed our farm. Believe me, Chineke, Nigeria will retaliate. And if it is actually true that the chicken crossed the road, it is for the last time, believe me. This government will not tolerate indiscriminate or illegal conduct. We are a corruption-combating, rule-of-law promoting government. We will protect our chickens wherever they may be insulted.

Sani Lulu, Chairman, Nigeria Football Association:
The chicken crossed the road? Oh No! It is those useless Falcons. Chicken Falcons! They cannot win the World Cup, but they want all their allowances. I told them to accept less money this year so that the NFA will have enough money left to renovate the Secretariat, which has not been renovated since last year, but they would not listen. They said they were not small girls and wanted all their money. We spent a whole month preparing those girls for the competition, but they could not even win one match. That is why the chicken crossed the road. Chicken Falcons! I hope they are not coming here to roost..............................................................


It's already mid-week :o) Come back for more on the November Event Series

11 comments:

Mona said...

SOME MORE!

Karl Marx: "The chicken was driven by the lash of economic necessity."
Amelia Earhart: "She could have flown."
Martin Luther King Jr.: "I have a dream that one day chickens will be able to cross roads without having their motives called into question."
Central Intelligence Agency: "We can neither confirm nor deny any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident."
George Bush: "Define chicken."

AGENT CODY BANKS said...

I couldn't help but spot the names of politicians I had to memorise when i was in primary school/secondary school and therein lies what i hate the most of Nigerian politics.... military men turning into civilians just because they cant let go of power.
It is in the fabric of our country i mean no one want to leave anything to carry on without them, even Mr Okon on the streets... he will call his company Okon and sons as in this one is remaining in the family, no thought what so ever about leaving a legacy behind that would survive for generations to come and not necessarily die once he sef dies.

sha..let me stop my ranting

CONSCIOUSNESS said...

...yes Mona aka Random!!


still coming correct with the posts as usual...safe n'all...KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!

The original post with the kid was pure genius, unfortunately... the subsequent attempts by the others did not quite cut it(as stated)!!

...AY BAY BAY...taken for it's comedic value and nothing else is aiight… not in many ways dissimilar to a lot of the jams that have come out of the south in a minute...one should generally listen properly to the lyrics some of these fools spew before jumping straight outta seats and snapping fingers in the clubs...!!


The infamous "why did the chicken...?" was a TOP ,TOP read...!!

Again, nothing but the HIGHEST accolade is due to you sister Mona!! Keep doin’ it cuz you’re doin’ it well!!


Peeeeaaaaaccccceeeeeeee!!
C!

snazzy said...

it's been a while since i graced these parts with my presense. Clearly to my detriment ;) Anyhow good post as always. The chicken definitely being the highlight. Anyway I'll be around more frequently since u are posting more frequently :D Laters

YYT said...

Love the chicken post.

Lol @ OBJ's shicken

Shaywun said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shaywun said...

Word to all chickens: watch your back o, it is not safe anymore!!! lol. Yeah of course only Bush would ask for chicken to be defined since he probably didn't have anything to say (he usually never does). It's nice to see how one question is answered by people in various sectors of politics. Still, run for your lives chickens; THEY are out to get y'all o!!!

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

hahahahaha

I am going to use this in my new Catwalq Academie Series...

3RS said...

lmao @ d chicken series.
nigerians re crazy mehn....
Mona im def gonna steal this 4rm ya...hehe...

Bella Naija said...

Ohhhhhhh I just wrote a long comment and it disappeared!!!!
Very random post!
Aww that lil girl is soooo cute
Blak Jesus is such a nutter! he is funny tho....he is already a big celeb (well among nigerians) off youtube! that's gangsta

Havent read the joke yet, let me go check on it!

Uzo said...

Love this random post. Its your randomness that i adore.

So the little asian girl is cute...but the others...

The chicken post? Hilarious...Can i say i love IBB's the most. LOL...He said so what if Soyinka writes books..He gets books written about him....LOL...Amazing jare...