The 'M' Word


..................The Era (not season) is here and as much as it is supposed to be exciting, I beg to differ - it is not as exciting as it should be considering several factors including the fact that it is all we hear these days. This 'M' word seems to be talked about more than anything else since the quarter of last year (at least for me and my peers). It is a popular conversation topic with all my female friends and even some male ones too! Even relatives start to feel like they can demand an answer from you considering this 'M' word. WHAT??!

Even out of my usual chit chats (I can swear I engage in this conversation at least once a day with one friend or the other either via email, msn or on the phone - damn, technology makes singled*m more a b*tch). Anyway so during one of my daily chit-chats on msn, my friend sent me this link to watch the video of the men planning to p****** (Wtf?!! Are these men serious?)

I'm like - BARF TIME!!! (No, I mustn't be a hater!)

Because I have said and heard so much about this, I really don't want to carry on but what will my blog be without a post on this? I will try as much as possible not to use the 'M' word and sensor any related words through out this post LOL.


Typical questions like:

  • So when is your own?
  • When will he pro****?
  • Do you think you will m**** him?

....are the preliminaries. That is even for those at stage 1. So for us at Stage Zero. Are we supposed to run to that island where it pours and rains m******* proposals? There must be a plague of e**ed guys considering this high epidemic of single**m (....in Jand anyway).

The second stage is when you are there, (at that point many current spinsters are trying to get to) and there are questions like:

  • Have you picked a date?
  • Will you have it here or in Naija?
  • Who will be on your b***** train? For f**k's sake! (No I mustn't be a hater!)

Arrrghhh I guess I should be happy for those of us who have got to stages 2 and 3 and 4 and on and on and optimistic for those in stage Zero!!


If you are asking - Stage Zero is that stage .......anyways you know what I'm talking about lol if you really want to know ask me or see my chart below:

I FOUND LIKE 3 OR 4 BLOGS WHICH CLEARLY DEFINED THE STAGES WHERE WE LADIES ARE AT:


Words of Advice: Many people fail to remember that while going through these stages, you still have to live your life and be happy, so enjoy it! S*ngle or not :o)

If you agree or don't agree or have anything to say on this bl**dy topic (kidding - not really) - if you have anything to say about this 'M' word, leave a comment! Have a good week xxx

53 comments:

Noni Moss said...

Lolll - yeah we've definitely reached that age where all anyone can think about is getting M****.

:-D I'm still enjoying stage zero and feel no pressure despite the best efforts of my family and friends.

sexyt said...

hahah! this is so tru! Geez man

Sola said...

Weddings I'm off to one this weekend. still not top on my agenda, but you never know :)

Dimples said...

Mona!!!!...why now???Touchy subject for me o!!!(sob!! sob!!!)

Ok let me go back and read it...lol

Anonymous said...

Sigh! The everlasting M word, u just want to flush it down the toilet, but we all wanna get there, at least some of us

incubus said...

tell me abt it wif the relatives n parents puttin pressure!!! dang doug!

snazzy said...

clearly girls think about this way more than guys do, and in much scarier detail too.

If I was a girl, I would say that I plan on getting married at forty after I make senior vice president at my firm to an Indian man who works in China, and also will be having my first child by artificial insemination cos I will be too busy with my job in london. I would also add that I am converting to hinduism (only if the person in question does not have a heart condition, otherwise it's murder).

Or more realistically I would date someone clearly unsuitably like a Nollywood star and then my parents would be so grateful that they won't even care that I am 19 with no firm prospects for marriage

Mona said...

lolllllllllllllllll

Uzo said...

LOL.....The beautiful M word....Ehm i am an unofficial w****g planner if anyone is interested...LOL

confusednaijagirl said...

Yeah all the stages i guess i should be at stage 1. it seems as if most individuals dont think of the problems that may be encountered in all stages. Its like after stage four a womans life is complete and she should be happy.Its not always like that sha.

Mona said...

True oh.....very true.....the virtuous married woman and the issues she faces - ure right!

mphae said...

LMAO I LOVE IT! you know it's so true, the m word comes up every damn day with my friends and i, even on msn? can you imagine the audacity of this thing, wht kind of pressure is this now!? infact i cut that word out of my mind ah everyday i will be talking about something i can never really actually truly fantasize about, you know how some girls know what dress they will wear all that, i can't even picture it, i dont even know the half of what happens at a wedding other than you may kiss the bride.
it's an epidemic ohh and it must stop!!!!

Anonymous said...

oooooooh u may kiss ur bride mwah! Just had to add that hav u heard that song?

Mari said...

Babes, you are so right. I never really thought about how much the "M" word comes up in my daily conversation with people. Even though I'm in a relationship, I get that criticizing "when are you getting married" or "what else are you waiting for again?" type of questions. So annoying mehn.

folu said...

Abeg ya'll don't kill me, but I never felt pressured to get married...yes at 25 i'm married and yes when I was 20 and the maid of honor for my older sister, I was told I was next, but I never really cared. I didn't think about it. My thing was when i'm ready we'll talk about it. I understand feeling pressured in your thirties, but twenties, abeg ignore people! I think we need to be happy with ourselves to find the right partner. That way we don't think it's our partner that makes us happy, we choose to be happy. Be happy at whatever stage you're in. And keep in mind, a man does not complete a woman, vice-versa....we compliment each other.

Besides all these, I love weddings (not engagements)...i'm an unofficial (cuz I have a day job) wedding planner so if ya'll need help, let me know. And Aramide, i'm going to say the M word multiple times. MARRIAGE...MARRIAGE...MARRIAGE...MARRIAGE :)

Biodun said...

Its CRAZY, I cant avoid the M word, I am going to be in 2 this year already, lol. The nice thing though is that my parents dont trip me about this which is wonderful, if only everyone else could just NOT ring it in my head every darn week! Nice post!

Naija Vixen said...

I feel so sorry 4 d women on d receiving end of the "naff" proposals by the "essense" guys...culd dey be any less unoriginal?i'm hatn!But luvly way to get older relatives to get off ur back bout the M word..u @ a weddn,they all giggly and stuff sayn "u r next",just do the same thing to them at funerals...u didnt hear it from me oh abeg...luvvn the post Mona!

Dami Sho said...

LOL!
We all seem to be thinking the same thing. It must be a Naija woman thing.

Our families have planned the life of a Nigerian girl.
Born…Go to School...17-21 Uni.. 21-22 Maybe postgrad (also start looking for a husband)23-26 get married!!! Parents start fasting and praying for their children over 25 as to them it is about time!

None of my non-Naija friends or colleagues think about this in their early/mid twenties. Why do we?. Just the other day one of my Naija friends said "so...when are we picking the colours?" I had to step back for a min cos I had no idea what she was on about.

I cant lie oh. I am winging a bit about how we have been raised but I am eager to get the whole nine yards... proposal, wedding, kids ETC. I nearly hate myself for wanting it so much but the only conclusion I can come up with is that I am Nigerian and it is what girls think about/do when they get to my age!!!
I am not sure what stage I’m in at the mo (2 maybe 3)but my new years resolution is to not put pressure on myself to get to the final stages (cos what the hell happens when you get there?)instead i am going to occupy my time with things that i enjoy doing like working with kids, travel or sew ETC.

One last thing... Does anyone else match their name up with the guys surname after just a few weeks of dating? or practice what their new signature would be if they got married( I am not saying i do these things...OK may be a little – I blame the fact that I have 8 married/settled sisters and I am the 9th) but someone told me i was extremely sad and I have been trying to defend myself ever since. Nice post xx

Buky said...

Somehow I feel I triggered this post by sending that blood curdling sme-sme fest to you .. :-) sorry oh ... I think we just have to deal with the M word popping up in every conversation because tis the season and our mates are loving up the trend...I don't see the rush at all...but Gods speed to those that are ready...the way i see it what we have now in theory is finite...upon entering the M zone the prayer point is theres no exit strategy before death....so really there's a good argument for loving up this stage...even forgettting that your final point is so true...its about being happy in all the stages and maybe even in none of them because clearly there's enough in this life to be grateful for and happy about despite what our love lives are saying.

Mona said...

@ buky - how all very true! no rush sha just hate hearing the word lol....altho i still engage myself in conversation (healthy conversation tho - no depressing sh*t)

@ Dami Sho - this naija mentality sef, my parents don't bother me tho so that is good.

@ Naijvixen - u little minx! lol hahah nice one, I will try that but I don't do funerals much sha

@ Biodun - told ya! ;o)

@ Folu - thanks for stopping by dear cousin ;o) and nice wedding pics...meanwhile...you can talk oh if u were the first born would u be singing this tune? Also at least u met ur man im sure well before u got married so even tho ure 25 AND MARRIED....hello?? You were in stage 2 at least heheh...oh well i'm happy tho....so when r we expecting a bump missy?

belle said...

what i've learnt is that being single is so much better than being with some a**hole.

Which is why i am LOVING being single right now.

I am soo not stressed about marraige.
**but then again...ask me tomorrow ;)

folu said...

ehh belle, but that's assuming most people married, are with a**holes but you do have a point. That's why we shouldn't rush, cuz there are many a**holes out there.

Aramide, I hear you, I did meet my husband at age 20/21. But see you asking about a bump! It's exactly the same thing...when we finish college, the question is about M and when M is done, the next question is about the bump!!!

Dimples said...

Loving this so so much!!!

PEOPLE ENJOY YOUR SINGLE LIFE O...infact sef...MAXIMISE UR SINGLE LIFE...

Perrahaps when u are attached..having to tell the other half every single freaking thing u want to do...hmmm!!!..maybe NOT..i like the spontaneous nite vists to my friends house(he he), travelling anywhere and with anyone @ any freaking time i want...

But men to be really honest!!..I’m @ Stage zero..and not really loving it anymore…too much rocking really takes a toll on you..and that Naija age factor comes in.

Ideally I would want to kick start the M process and then become M**..ed in like 2 years….

Oopps!!! Mona have I become a sell out.??

Jaycee said...

lolllllllllllll @` all the stages...this just cracked me up...hmmm...I wonder what stage I'm in!!!!!! Zero??? Lemme go back and check again...oh well...I'm still a BABY! (psyches)!!!

I'm gonna have to site ur article Mona...I luved it!

damsel said...

So glad to know I am not the only getting the pressure and trying hard to resist.

Favoured Girl said...

He he he he!!!! I'm laughing cos the very FIRST time I decide to visit your blog, I saw you featured mine! Hmmm Stage 2 - 3? Gee I'm flattered. But seriously though, I always tell my friends to enjoy their lives at every stage, regardless of the external pressures. Only you can make yourself as happy or as sad as you want.

And yes you will be hearing more about the *M* word because it is something that the little girl in most of us desire. (Including the friends and family that want to rejoice with you*)!

NaijaBloke said...

nice post ..will surely direct some sistahs to the post..lol

u have a nice rest of the week

Ms Nu Booty said...

lol..I love this post

azuka said...

The only thoughts I have about the 'M' word can be summed up in one question 'na by force?' :-D

I tell my mom that she'd better not bother me when the time comes round because I won't be in a hurry.

ayoke said...

I've been through different stages with the 'M' word - from loving it, ignoring it, and at a time even loathing it. I think I'm at that stage where I appreciate the 'M' word for a sole major reason: the companionship that comes with it, especially as that companionship comes with this "possessive" streak which many people like and which you don't find in less formalised relationships; that "he or she is officially recognised as mine" (well, that is gradually being eroded...). It's a good thing but only if it is "real" and not just a glossy coverpage.

As for how often it comes up in conversations? My mother is about the only person with the bravery to bother me on that issue and she does it everytime I speak with her - which is at least once a week. I can live with that.

Lee said...

I think its overrated jare! People make a big fuss of tiny little things which are just a part of life.

Mona said...

lolll but like folu says, we complement each other so yea i'm guessing for the companionship :o) tru say - ayoke

@ dimples....sell outttttttttttttttt! lol its all love do ur thing jare dont wait for nobody

@ damsel ur friends havent really started gettin married yet so chillax...u just wait hehe..cu this wkend hun

undressed*polaroid said...

the M word......everyone is going overdrive with it....

my issue is why everyone is in such a massive rush....ur with the person till death do u part and that could be a very long time, so just enjoy your "me time"....eeeesh...am I beginning to sound bitter???

Vera Ezimora said...

I don't have any problem with the M word oh. I will discuss it and whatever. I'm not married or even engaged, but I very well intend to be married sometime - not this year though.

I have no problem with it sha. I looked @ the men tryna propose on essence. I think it's rather sweet!

Refinedone said...

Well to the haters...I am at stage 4...total bliss :) and enjoying it... :)

Would Like to add , as someone already mentioned...if you are not whole, happy, confident and secure at stage zero or any of the stages mentioned, the M word will not fulfill that...if anything you may just feel more fustration.

Enjoy your singleness and when it's time for the next level you'll know...(in fact he would know)

Funmi said...

love your post mona....the truth is each person needs to go with what he/she feels 'complete' with. i only recently got married and all i hear now is 'this time next year, ibeji la ma wa ko(we will come for the christening of your twins)

The most important thing is to ensure one isn't outside of God's will.There is no point getting into stage 2 bcos everyone else is(there are some people in that stage who want out).

I blame it all on our culture though:so much is expected that it puts so much pressure on us at times. While i was still a junior in college i had an aunt who always asked after my 'fiance'! she never used the word boyfriend to describe the guys i was dating.

Whatever stage you are in enjoy it to the max....u only have one life to live.

Lord help us

TaureanMinx said...

I'm at stage Zero and my mother discusses how to get to stage 10 every other day. I hear things like 'don't be too picky' see how being picky helped aunty so and so, shes still unM*. Sometimes even I end up putting pressure on myself. It sucks. I'm really done being at stage zero though lol, stage one would be nice but i'm not going to rush into anything just because....

laspapi said...

Had tried to post this more than 12 hours ago. Blogger defied me.

Naija Vixen's lines made me laugh out loud till the tears rolled.
"..u @ a weddn,they all giggly and stuff sayn "u r next",just do the same thing to them at funerals.."

@ the Naija girls who dropped posts- I can see the "pressure and conditioning" concerning "jus' get married", is the same on any continent a Nigerian girl is on.

Coming from a family where marriage after marriage of siblings has hit the rocks, I know that the process is a journey and not an end in itself.

funmi's lines made a lot of sense too.

Thank you for the honest post, Mona. This man enjoyed reading it as well as all the comments too.

Dipo Tepede said...

@ Refinedone

Are you sure? Or you are just saying it.......

These are the reasons for getting married anyway;

1) Companion

2) Help meet

3) Sex without guilt

4) Team work

5) Family (Children, etc)

If this product called marriage is yielding this great dividend, why shouldn’t our parents harass us into it?

I am in support of the parents!

Flowy said...

well mona... you have done it... you have opened pandora's box..... now even I wanna get m*****d and i'm only 20! its just all this talk... its sad that the general male is never really bothered, and them girls feel like their biological clock is ticking (I always here that in naija movies, thot i'd use it hehe)! Sorry to all the lovely ladies whose mums want grandkids so soon, you can't blame them! My prayer is that every single lovely lady who's posted on here will find a man that is perfect for her in God's eyes (cos it aint easy) and y'all will get hi***ed.... and all that other sh*t!

Nice one sis! x

Dimples said...

Flowy AMEN o!!!thanx for the prayer hun....and I pray God answers all of our prayers by fire!!!..and speedy response(s).


My new prayer point for the day.."Lord I want an end to my Stage Zero life"

Pink Panther said...

nice post Rams. not a great fan of talking about the 'm' word myself.. but i'll say do it at your own time...but do not do it for someone else's benefit..even parents..(and don't rush into it or dwell on it, only to want to 'rush' out of it..) just ask God to make it happen at the time he's already allocated and to the person he's already picked for you..

deji77 said...

GOSH!! Ur totally something else!! Most definitely be something in the air as I have been bombarded since the beginning of the year! Pele!!

Wands said...

Nice post Ramzy hehe! It's crazy how you've hit the nail on the head for so many people (as seen in the comments)... and as for flo... ticking biological clock abi??? lol ahh well...

Godspeed to all the ladies posting looking to get Marr.. (whoops!) i mean M* and H****ed. hehe

Mona said...

hehehehe :P

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

I couldnt watch the video but I read the stories.. damn..has it reached that one?!?!thats some of the corniest shit i've ever seen!!!My dear sometimes I rejoice cos i'm just still 20, but then I just know its coming.. in the next 3-5 years my mom will start asking me who i'm dating.. ewwww.. lol.. and when we gonna get *M*... crap!lol.. this was a fantastic post. lol@naijavixen... you're terribly funny!I guess to every one his own.. but you're right.. the unnecessary pressure has to stop jare... when the time comes.. it comes!!!

bibi said...

lol @ my post..well i guess im in stage zero...marriage was barely on my mind growing up..but i guess now its been thrown in our faces..thank God im still in my early twenties but for someone who grew up faster than her age..age doesnt matter...most of my friends r in their mid/late twenties..

im def not pressured yet..just a bit curious who the lucky guy will be..

Fope said...

mehn tell me about it. Everyone is getting m*****d left, right and center. Apparently I'm next in line and seeing that both my sisters got m*****d before their 25th birthdays - (I don't know where they were rushing to oh!) and I'm still at stage zero (or maybe even stage -1) I'm "behind schedule". But it's all good. I'm definitely not ready for stage 2 but I keep getting asked when I'm at least moving to stage 1.
And once you take the plunge to the M* world, the next thing is when is the baby coming and after that they will tell you the baby needs an aburo.
So I say just do you jare 'cos in the end you are the only one that has to live everyday with whatever decisions you make!
All that said I'm a fan of weddings and wedding websites so abeg keep the invitations coming :)
Nice one Ramzy

Bella Naija said...

Aramide!
U hit the spot for real.
I like wedding and all that but these days there is sooo much pressure to just tie the knot sharply!
I know SO MANY people who just got married last year and their marriages are on the rocks!
We just need to step back and reevaluate the meaning of marriage before running into it.
It isnt a competition.
It isnt even about how 'hectic' ur wedding ceremony is...

That said, I still love wedding websites! lolz

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

The dreaded M word, hmmm... All i know is that i want to get EM-ed before a certain age, hopefully that's in alignment with God's will for my life. Whatever happens, i'll try not to feel pressured, even though i'm still at Stage zero and that age is fast approaching *oops!*

nosa101 said...

marriage is shit.......FACT

Adunni said...

What can i say....... Im in stage zero but id really love to get married. Yep im tired of people and all their prayers i even heard this hilarious one at my friend's wedding in kaduna "olori ire lo ma mark iwe e oo" E be like say this thing don turn to exam.
In all right now im just concentrating on finding someone i really like.
The wedding plans can wait

9jamommy said...

Lol..I don't believe I'm just seeing this..Coming from a so-called stage 4, I can tell you there are whole new group of stages from this point, so it definitely isn't a "live happily ever after" matter.